Obituary of John Morrison Tordella

He was a private man, but he was bold, masterful, brilliant, ruggedly handsome, undeniably loquacious, and certainly charming. A man of action, "decisive and comfortable in his skin" as Diane said when we both first met him....but more than that, he was fearless. John thought nothing of venturing 80 miles offshore to the canyons to catch tuna....John was passionate about Life, but especially about fishing, his boat, and his friends; I was passionate about John. Two weeks after we met he asked me to go to Lake Wallenpaupack for an annual visit with friends, Unfortunately, I had already given an RSVP to a very formal "Wall Street" wedding in Washington at the Willard for the same weekend. So we went our separate ways....but at 3 am I left a message on his cell phone: "I would rather be anywhere with you , than be somewhere else without you."...He had a "presence" about him, a powerful and personal, genuine, rock-solid presence...you just had to be with him! Our marriage was fabulous, based on three words: John would say "Let's go" and I would say : "Great!". We did everything from jet ski's to Commodore's Ball, cooking, traveling...whatever!! The highlight for me was after one of our many trips to St. Mary's- a weekend in the boat anchored in the cove where we could "stop the world and get off". We would talk about "naked puts", mergers and acquisitions, Fox news, memories and personal "stories" or just "nothing"! And as we returned to the Virginia shores with the boat at full speed in the Sunday summer sunshine on a gorgeous day with John at the helm and me standing next to him...I looked at him to see him smiling. I asked what he was thinking and he replied: "How happy I am". It doesn't get any better than that. And so I took picture after picture of him...hundreds of pictures...trying to capture each moment....trying to preserve the NOW forever....because I just "had to"... That was the THEN. Then came the THERE. John had the best of care at The Vince Lombardy Cancer Center at Georgetown University Hospital . He had the renowned surgeons of Dr.Steves from the Dr. Paul Sugarbaker Team and Dr. John Marshall, head of Oncology. John was diagnosed with a very rare cancer with a very guarded prognosis, But after the eight hour surgery, Dr. Marshall greeted us with the uplifting greeting of" Well, it's my job to eradicate the cancer and this is how I am going to do it! I'm going to give you a cocktail of three different chemo's and I'll even put an olive in it." John instantly responded with" I prefer a twist"..and the two men were solidly bonded from that moment on...we had HOPE. We were both sure we could beat this plague and get our lives back. But over the next eleven months I saw a man who suffered every day with unbelievable pain, day in and day out, in total silence. In and out of the hospital, in and out of Emergency, in and out of operations, procedures, sicker "than a dog" daily, and medicines endlessly given hour upon hour...and still he reiterated his will to live.... daily.. The journey was a roller coaster "Space Mountain" nightmare of near death crises and miraculous recoveries, over and over and over again. John had an incredible physical strength, unrelenting will, and a total resolve to beat this horrible disease. But eventually the tide turned against us, along with the medical community and others and suddenly we were abandoned. I called a friend of mine who was a retired head nurse from NIH and asked her what I was "missing" when everyone kept saying" Just call Hospice". She answered: "It's very simple. They're THERE and you and John aren't THERE yet; you're still fighting"! Until you're THERE, you need someone beside you that you can trust, to give you control of your own life, regardless of the pressure from others. John didn't like Frank Sinatra because he didn't have the integrity that John required of himself. After all, John would gather shopping carts in parking lots and return them to the curb because "it was the right thing to do". But Frank Sinatra did coin John's song: "I did it my way". Whatever John wanted, he got...His sister Anne was there for him with homemade soup. custard, and oatmeal cookies to replace the hospital food during her many visits. And his brother David came regularly with all of John's favorite things: oreo cookies, mint chocolate chip ice cream, Apricot Mango Juice and anything else he desired. They both, along with their families, visited often , sat with John endlessly, and supported him with love and understanding. Simultaneously, the cards, phone calls, visits, prayers and constant well wishes from friends and extended family were a God send . John rallied each and every time with each gesture, effort, and message from those he loved so much: his dear friends, his fishing buddies, his Gonzaga classmates, his neighbors, Rev Durig, his family, and Lee and me. Everyone became his lifeline to HOPE, essential for every breath. The THEN, the THERE, and the NOW: The NOW is John's Legacy to each and every one of you. Live your Life NOW! Do what you love to do, do it with those you love, and do it often. NOW is the time. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, but you have this moment, this very second, this perfect day. NOW is the only thing you control...do it now, make it happen. John was worthy of your friendship; be worthy of his Legacy. In loving gratitude for all the joy you showed to John during his Life, but especially over the last eleven months, I will forever be your friend and forever be proud to carry his name as Mrs. John Tordella